Animal Instinct

I have moved

2010-11-16T02:06:00.000+08:00

I have moved:

http://run-like-an-animal.blogspot.com/

One of those erratic posts

2010-08-22T13:06:00.001+08:00

I feel an incessant need to channel this confusion into words in the hope that by their articulation I will be able to find comprehension that remains, not just fleeting moments of inspiration that leave me feeling even more deprived once they depart. I read and write listlessly, driven less by motivation than a basal need to find something to do to occupy my mind. It is a desolate life, and it is the fact that I am not in the least bit worried about the lack of human contact that worries me; not the state itself. It is not just through the night that these ponderous doubts pound me, like a beating to the already dented brain, but they are always there, blurred at the edges yet menacing nonetheless. I am determined, but determined without purpose. What I seek is a higher meaning in a meaningless life inhabited by all these petty people who care so much about the puniness of their pathetic lives.

I want to describe to you how it feels to be scared, to submit not out of love but out of the fear that once what you have is gone there will be nothing else, absolutely nothing left, to follow not out of understanding but out of ignorance, to pretend you have found something and are clinging on to it because you are tired of searching. I need you back in my life and I need you to calm this restless soul. I know you are out there even though I am constantly plagued by all these questions about how do I really know, how do I know really? And when am I going to draw the line?, because I am scared, I am very scared and inside I am like a frightened rabbit running for cover but God I am caught in the headlights and I am destined for a very sad end.

It astounds and shames me that I have lost the definition of what my principles used to be, those sure and steady rules that I knew I could count on and turn back to when everything else became grey. In the pursuit of more knowledge I lost most of what I already had and now there is a gaping hole of emptiness that I am frantically trying to fill with a tangled mess of hope destined for death and a jumble of thoughts rationalised to be reasonable enough to form the foundations of my intellectual self. But the discontent tells me this mass will not suffice and so I am still looking and hoping and waiting, but –

I felt an incessant need to channel this confusion into words in the hope that by their articulation I would be able to find comprehension that remains. But I have not found it.

New Hair

2010-07-20T11:21:00.001+08:00

Aerodynamic : )

Monday Blues

2010-07-19T11:38:00.003+08:00

Today is Monday and I had a lame half-hearted slog in the morning and I don't know whether I should even consider including it in my counter. But perhaps I shouldn't be hitting 80 anymore considering my 30km is in 2 weeks.. 2 freaking weeks and despite all those promises made to run a 30km route at least once the most I've hit was 26 and that was like, last year or something. Lame. But I love Mr. Polar even though my lovely 22ks yesterday was "wasted" because I didn't set the heart rate thing properly (I don't know what my max heart rate is) so it kept beeping when I reached 173 bpm and I was like SHUT UP but it wouldn't shut up, so I pressed stop and then the damn distance got stuck at the 9km mark. Great. But anyway it was a really good last Sunday run spent in good company, challenging but as usual I always win the challenge. Cos I am Sarah the Ah Poh who Ciaks Kau Sai. Yeh bebeh. I can't believe they made a nursery rhyme with such profanity in it.

Anyway Mondays always suck by virtue of them being Mondays. I have 4 days left here on this hot, humid little island and I am not sure what I feel. A bit sad but I honestly think I really need to go back to Melbourne and start getting my life back on track.. Not just workout and eat and workout and eat. Life is more than that, at any rate. My brain is melting into a mass of unidentifiable gooey stuff and the time has come to remould it. I've practiced a bit of Calculus and read the first few chapters about speciation and phylogenetics but it's nothing I didn't know already. I feel like banging my head against a wall to wake me up. Penang just makes you slow and lazy.....

4 more days and the blog shuts down again for the next 16 weeks.. : )

2010-07-18T09:42:00.003+08:00

Pace wasn't so blistering today. I think last week was just a test drive. Kept with him for the first 18km then I sped it up during the last hill. Bye bye!

Oh, and I have a new lover.

His name's Polar RS800CX.

And he's all mine.

Ah Poh Ciak Kau Sai's Calves

2010-07-14T09:53:00.003+08:00

I can't even walk properly

See lah this is what you get when you try to run at an insane pace for 20+ km with a man who runs like a greyhound + antelope combined

I am feeling the terrible aftermath of my competitive streak

But I live by the principle of survival of the fittest

And I must either be really crazy, or just plain fucking stupid

Cos' I went for a 14 k (albeit slowly) this morning,

and I almost stepped in dog shit because I couldn't react fast enough to avoid it.

The pain is unbearable when I walk,

but it becomes numb when I run.

Therefore, running is ok.

(yes Sarah keep repeating that to yourself until you really injure something)

Stupid girl

Mr. Paul the Octopus

2010-07-11T15:38:00.002+08:00

╲╲╲╲╲╭━━━━╮╱╱╱╱╱

╲╲╲╲╲┃┊◒◒ ┊ ┃╱╱╱╱╱

╭━━━━╯┊╰╯┊╰━━━━╮

┃╭╮╭╮╭╮╭╮╭╮╭╮╭╮┃

┃┃┃┃┃┃┃┃┃┃┃┃┃┃┃┃

╰╯╰╯╰╯╰╯╰╯╰╯╰╯╰╯

Wired

2010-07-10T09:09:00.003+08:00

Instead of lamenting about the considerable amount of my lack of work I should just STFU and actually do some. Less QQ, more pew pew indeed.

pew pew

1. Sound made by lasers, usually related to Star Wars

2. Owning a person, usually related to World of Warcraft

"wow those lasers sounded like pew pew on the surround sound"

"dude you just pew pew his ass down!"

For want of a better thing to do I was putting cream on my hand because I wanted something better to do. So I was reading the back of the tube:

"Pudy's comfort cream is specially formulated to soothe tender skin. It also forms a moisture barrier to help protect a child's delicate skin from irritation."

Directions: Apply as needed to help prevent nappy (diaper) rash.

WHAT. THE. ?

And you know what? I have nothing else to say. This lack of eventful occurences in my life is severely depressing. I can't even last more than a couple of lines speaking about how mundane my sorry existence is right now.

Niresh, you'd better be right about me getting used to it the next time round.

Goals

2010-07-09T19:16:00.003+08:00

Since I have nothing else to do to occupy brain space here's a list of things I want to achieve by the end of this year:

Complete my first marathon
Do it in less than four hours
Pierce my eyebrow and/or lip
Explore Melbourne PROPERLY
Get 100 for Calculus
Hopefully get something close to 100 for all my other subjects as well (which is technically what I did this sem but THERE IS ALWAYS ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT)
Publish my book! I've been saying this for so long now but I just really never got round to doing it. Everything is ready, I just need to contact the publishers.
Do something outrageous with my hair
Do another running photo shoot in Princes Park (I need Saw Kylie for this)
Take up photography, or at least learn how to take good pictures
Visit India
Volunteer at an orphanage or some such place!
Get some work experience - earn my own money for once!
Buy something really really nice with that said earned money (i.e. another pair of Frees?)
Learn how to just say NO when I want to say no!

Ok there's like lots more but my parents are bugging me to go out with them; shall add more later

Freudian Slips

2010-07-09T08:47:00.000+08:00

It's like when you say one thing, but mean your mother

How Ah

2010-07-07T09:03:00.003+08:00

CUT OR DON'T CUT LAH?!?!!?

Restless

2010-07-03T19:40:00.002+08:00

Why am I so restless?

And why am I not satisfied with my marks? > : (

Results

2010-07-02T13:54:00.001+08:00

Just got all my results

BULLSHIT

I am not first

This annoys me no end

Home

2010-06-28T12:21:00.002+08:00

My pace is so messed up! I feel like I am moving through treacle. The air is thick and hot and heavy. I don't even need to warm up. But the sweat feels good. And Malaysian wind is puny compared to Melbournian wind. Went for a nice run at Gardens this morning. The arches are horrendous. Insulting, really. Gardens feels really really small. I have no idea how I used to do my 20 rounds. I got so bored after 4. So it's back to the smell of longkang, old chinese ladies talking about the price of fish, and mosquitoes. And boys on motorbikes who act like they've never seen a girl before.

And everyone is saying I have put on weight!!!!!!!!!

Which is a good thing I suppose.

O WELL

2010-06-26T09:54:00.002+08:00

little red

baby's shoe,

always wondered why it was there.

orange sky

like marmalade,

against black toast

(tombstone heads)

thinking about

nothing at all,

really

maybe the way

water squirts

under my shoe.

new shoe

(with neon pink laces)

i may look like

i am jogging but

i assure you sir

i am running sir

oh my god

get out of the way bitch

and you too,

owner-of-said-bitch

blocking my path

with your poo

i can smell

coffee and bread

from the house

across the street

wonder if

the little boy has woken up yet.

Homeward Bound

2010-06-26T07:58:00.004+08:00

Had my last run in Melbourne today. Just let my legs lead me wherever they wanted to go. To all the people tucked in their warm blankets on a freezing Saturday winter morning with a good book and hot coffee... Fuck you. I admire your determination to stay in bed. If I had enough will power I could probably do it too. But when the feet want to pound pavement, ain't nothing you can do about that. Had the dark streets to myself. Passed the graveyard on Lygon. In pitch darkness I always love the feeling when I run past the graves. It is half fear and half exhilaration - the wind is always extra strong in this area and I keep visualising that it is the dead souls forming an invisible fence pushing me backwards. It is at once thrilling and frightening. Past the graveyard now and along Park Street. I never fail to notice that, dangling from one of those telephone lines, is a single baby's shoe. I wonder how it got there. It is bright red.

On my way home a rainbow appeared. And not one of those that end halfway in the sky, but a full rainbow. End to end. I won't say it gave me hope, because it didn't. I don't believe in that sort of crap. But I did appreciate it.

I am currently reading a book called "Things I've Been Silent About" by Azar Nafisi. It's one of those books that you can't help but hurry through eagerly because you want to know what happened and then you get close to the end and regret that you didn't take more time to enjoy it. The book is poignant and touching in some parts; melodramatic in others. I like it. It is my kind of book. She describes with personal detail the oppression of women in Iran during the Islamic Revolution, how her father was unjustly jailed, and the falling apart of her dysfunctional family. She is very beautiful.

In about 12 hours I will be on a plane. And that plane is going to take me back to the best place on Earth. In my opinion anyway.

Ask Yourself

2010-06-24T20:07:00.001+08:00

Why am I doing this?

If you can't give yourself a good answer

then you probably shouldn't be doing it

(woman)

2010-06-23T12:00:00.001+08:00

she is

the backbone

that bends so flexibly but

does not break, the

fragile thing that bears

more weight than he

could ever hope to carry,

she is

the contradiction in the

thinness of a seashell,

years have calcified her

apparent weakness into

stone

she is

what all other women secretly

want but are

ashamed to be,

because they are

preoccupied with the

art of self-painting

yet

all i see in his eyes is anger,

and all i see in hers is love

1358

230610

Poetry

2010-06-22T18:18:00.002+08:00

Where has it gone? No longer seamlessly sewn; only jagged stitches now. Goddamn needle keeps pricking me.

pathetically mismatched and incoherent

i want my words back

Resurrection

2010-06-22T14:15:00.000+08:00

I resurface...

Hello world

There Is No Title For This Post

2010-02-14T09:22:00.004+08:00

The countdown has almost reached its conclusion: the bags are packed, the letters sealed; the hugs have been given, the farewells said; pictures have been taken, the last tears shed. There is an inexplicable concoction of emotions running through my veins - a fusion of imminent sadness at leaving this place I call home, along with a throbbing excitement as I anticipate the unpredictable future. Even though that's what I hate the most - unpredictability. I like straight lines, clear-cut rules, exact numbers, controlled thoughts, perfect scores. I leave no room for allowances. But what now? Carrying forward this punctilious nature with me, I risk facing my new life with uncompromising inflexibility, which is precisely what I've been trying to break away from. Yet do I know any other way? This exercise in circularity is what keeps me going. This rigid and rigorous method of self-government. Where there is no space for reward. Where everything is calculated and planned. I'm not a bloody calculator. So why can't I stop calculating? The basic fundamental beauty of being human is the ability to change and evolve and grow. Plasticity. But this child remains static in her failure. Well, I suppose I always did want to be a machine. Unstoppable; indefatigable. But sometimes, sometimes I can hear something calling out to me. I think it's my body. I think it's trying to be heard. But I have no time to stop and listen. And so I snuff out the voices, silence the calls, muffle the whispers. Until there is nothing left except complete nothingness. And this is where I float. There is no rest, save in the reliability of my fixedness. But the fixedness itself causes unrest because I cannot break free. I cannot explain this paradox to you. One must live it and breathe it to understand it.

To My Neighbours

2010-02-06T17:24:00.002+08:00

the tiny sliver

of patchworked

midnight

hugged closely the

contours of dawn

in the few moments

between today and tomorrow;

yesterday and today.

when light filters in

so weakly like

a dying lamp

and the sky is

a blurry grey;

when shadows melt

into each other

coalescing into a

shapeless figure of the

here-and-now,

i am unafraid,

and so you will hear

those familiar pattering

footsteps pass all

your closed doors.

11 days

2010-02-04T13:47:00.002+08:00

Did my second last solitary long run this morning. It was so nice. The street lights lit up for me, one by one, majestically - lighting the pre-dawn darkness. My feet traversed familiar roads, turned well known corners. I knew as I passed each drooping tree that this was my way of saying goodbye; by sharing this morning with them, by being part of Nature itself. And I know that in the future, no matter where my legs take me, only this place can I truly call Home. For it is home indeed. Irreplaceable. Distinct from all other places. I am capturing snapshots, fleeting glimpses of these people and places I love: the intermittent swaying of the palm tree outside my neighbour's house on a windy day. My fat cat lying stretched out on the pavement. The naked statue in the huge Japanese house. The distant specks of fishermen's boats along the curve of Gurney Drive. Someone's laugh, caught midway. A pat on the back. A friend tucking my hair behind my ear. Twinkling eyes. A gorgeous smile. Bike number 3! All these small things. I am bound, not by obligation, but by memory.

Bloody Insects

2010-02-01T15:12:00.003+08:00

I hate insects. Bloody insects. Dah la everytime I run the stupid wriggly caterpillars hanging from the trees on their stupid transparent string made from saliva or whatever keep landing on me and making me jump in fright and scream in horror and upset the rhythm/pace/breathing. And then if I decide to use my mouth and nose to breathe for more oxygen, blady small black flying things always fly into my damn mouth. I don't want to eat you lah stupid even though you are high in protein and contain 11 vitamins. Then just now I was taking a nice nap on my nice bed and suddenly was woken up by intense pain on my damn leg and to my bewilderment my hand was on my leg and I felt something squirming and I looked and there was a blady fat millipede or centipede the stupid red one with millions of legs on my poor leg which I have only two of and it was freaking biting me. ON MY OWN BED! THE BLADY NERVE OF IT! And I was so nice and didn't even kill it! I took it out nicely on a piece of paper and then I flung it far and wide into the garden with my strong muscular arms. I hope it died from the blady fall. Stupid blady milli-centipede. Then I went and sprayed my room with insect repellent until I almost suffocated.

Bai

My Idol

2010-01-29T14:13:00.002+08:00

Swift, strong and elusive

Meet: The great Pronghorn antelope that can run up to speeds of 96 km/h, and sustain this over long distances and across rough terrains. When running, they get lower and lower to the ground - stretching as far as they can with each step. Pronghorn antelopes always keep their mouths open when they run, saving energy by curtailing the resistance of expelled air.

Run like an animal.

Random

2010-01-22T08:58:00.003+08:00

I need more words in my blog.

3 weeks..

I have planned and packed nothing.

In fact I keep buying more things (completely unnecessary).

Like yesterday I went and bought 9 pieces of wrapping paper.

For those of you who don't already know, I am a collector of wrapping paper.

Yep, complete waste of money.

And then I went and bought a faded purple high-waist skirt from MNG which I will never wear (except maybe to parade around my room with, and which Sarah B can attempt to stuff herself into :P)

O ya she gave me a Marc Jacobs bag yesterday tee hee!

Eh pleaseeee go listen to all things Bob Sinclair.. Absolutely wonderful house music. iLove!

And I also love Lily Allen now thanks to Jas.

Two completely different genres of music :P

I missed my morning runnnnnnnnnnn and the weather looks so good today.. Useless I am. Going for RPM in about 20 minutes.

Oh oh Nadal playing today at 4 p.m. :) Channel 813 people!

Ok anyway I should go continue reading my story book because I have 17 unread books left which I cannot lug with me to Melbourne. Unnecessary weight.

BAI

P.S: My mum is going to go complain to JPA because:

(a) There are some JPA scholars going to Monash Uni for medicine.

(b) They only allowed me to choose between Melb Uni, Sydney Uni, or ANU to do medicine even though I got into UNSW and UWA as well

(d) Therefore I must do a double degree

(e) Therefore I will have to spend another 2 extra years in uni

(f) Therefore my bond is longer

I mean I am already being pinalised by having to obtain two degrees and then I have to go through all the nonsense of reapplying for a Medicine scholarship because it's a double degree program.. And you know at first they wouldn't give me a scholarship because they said "it's graduate entry, our country doesn't recognise it" but then how do you expect me to do medicine if you only allow me to apply to unis with graduate entry requirements and then you say "we don't accept double degree programs"? So my mum had to go meet this person and that person and make a big fuss so finally they approved the double degree thing so I got my scholarship, but still it's only for Biomedicine, and that is not enough. And then here there are people going to Monash or whatever for undergraduate medicine without having to go through all that fuss. Pfffft.

Run Like an Animal

2010-01-18T09:19:00.006+08:00

For Mum

2010-01-15T21:01:00.002+08:00

Happy birthday to the most gorgeous woman in the world.. I love her so, so much. I was planning to give her my book "Letters to my Mother" (compilation of daily letters to her) but then decided to save it for our last day together in Melbourne. So I baked her apple crumble instead. She is wonderful in every conceivable way and is so very patient with all my nonsense, always forgives me, and loves me unconditionally.

Foetus

2010-01-09T08:43:00.005+08:00

Shoulders so

delicate like

little buttercups,

paper-thin skin

like silk.

And the lightly

patterned blue

veins, like

tiny streams.

Slowly forming fists,

pink fingers curled

inwards.

(and beating heart,

gentle, yet

so fiery,

so full of life!)

0848

090110

Birthdays

2010-01-07T09:24:00.004+08:00

7th January seems to be a pretty popular date... First we have:

My dad! Happy birthday dad.

Thanks for first instilling in me the love for running, for so meticulously choosing my organic fruits and veggies and spending RM2.5k a month on my food alone, and for always saying 'yes' when we go shopping. Heheheh!!

Next, Grandma. She has no idea what a blog is (not that my dad does either) but anyway I LOVE YOU GRANDMA.. You're the absolute coolest.

Yes, my friends. That is my pimpin' Grandma, who is 80 years old today. She dances and goes "nip nip nip" too when she wants to say something but forgets what.

And finally.. My gym companion, confidante, and late night/early morning chat buddy.. Pin!

Have a great day guys! :)

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T09:11:00.000+08:00

It feels so weird writing 2010 instead of 2009.

101010 HERE I COMEEEEE!!!!!

Glimpses of 2009

2009-12-31T09:10:00.029+08:00

It has been a beautiful year. Thank you everyone, for everything. Goodbye 2009! A chapter closed, but imprinted eternally in memory.

Reflection

2009-12-20T18:03:00.008+08:00

Looking back on 2009, perhaps I should make a summary of all the main things that happened this year. There are only 11 (almost 10) days left of it and it is perhaps inevitable that one feels a certain sense of sadness, of loss, at the passing of one year into the next. Even though the measurement of time is such an abstract concept, there is something infinitely concrete about labeling this year as 2009, and closing it - done and dusted, to face the coming new year with a messy concoction of feelings.

Well the early parts of the year were spent preparing for the IB exams. I pretty much shut myself into a little hidey-hole as my family and friends can testify to. I learnt so much from the IB. Both in terms of academic syllabus and also about life in general (and how to organise my own). I miss studying and working the way I used to. 7 months spent sans intellectual stimulation is a form of mental torture. So anyway, I took the exams, didn't get the perfect score I wanted, entered depression mode for several weeks, and finally managed to pull myself out of it. I realised that life really does have to go on whether or not you miss by one point. I can say that this certainly helped:

Due to the fact that I had so much free time on my hands, I frequented the gym like, well, a gym freak. Gym is awesome. There is nothing more satisfying than working up a sweat and screaming your lungs out in RPM (for me it seems that my mouth works more than my legs). And I've got a great bunch of gym buddies who make the daily experience so very fun. I made a lot of new friends and bonded in the way that only fitness freaks can.

And my love for running was certainly positively reinforced by all the events I took part in. I used to shun competitive sports (I still do) but the occasional race really does give you that extra motivation and commitment to push just a little further.

Powerman 2009, our team Airborne got second place:

Tanjung 10km Run, I got first place in the Women's Open:

Penang Bridge International Marathon, I came fifth in the Women's Open:

And all the little things that happened this year: Finding a new love for trance music, getting my first iPod, making new friends, discovering things about myself, learning to accept, learning how to be grateful, finishing the compiling of my book of poetry (to be published soon, people!), developing my writing techniques, receiving presents from people, making presents for people, going for holidays, spending time with my family, going for parties, having quiet nights in, having late night chats with some of the most wonderful friends I could ask for, falling down, getting up, crying, smiling, laughing, learning, sighing, breathing, running, being. It is good to be alive. And may the coming year be even more exciting and challenging as this one was. Here's to a new adventure; my new life in a foreign place.

The Lioness

2009-12-15T19:05:00.005+08:00

she is draped

lazily over a warm

slab of grey

rock heated gently by the Sun.

eyelids half-closed heavy with the heat;

soft padded paw curled

almost like a fist.

and two spiraling flies

buzzing around her eyes,

caused a flick-of-the-tail

(or two).

she is Proud

like no other lion can be Proud:

for she is the Hunter,

the Gatherer, the Carer,

the Wise,

the Guardian, the Protector,

the Mother.

she watches as

her young frolic on the

burnt plains;

a smirk playing gently

at the corners of her

lips as she knowingly

observes those pale

brown figures hiding

pathetically behind

tufts of grass,

she almost Laughs

(do they think she cannot

see them in their

khaki shorts and

tourist hats?)

she lies unabashedly naked,

her golden fur glinting

in the light, she

needs no melodramatic

mane or roar -

for all her Power lies

in her stealth,

in her silence.

1927

151209

Comments

2009-12-14T09:16:00.000+08:00

I FIGURED OUT HOW TO ADD A COMMENTS LINK!!!!!! YAY!!!

The Moth

2009-12-13T20:26:00.004+08:00

she is pale like

moonlight,

like a white moth

fluttering in the night.

a fragile thing,

with broken wing,

as thin and torn as

frayed tissue paper.

(but inside her, I sense

a darkness,

a deepness,

a scarlet-crimson stain

from an unstitchable wound,

that bleeds.)

2023

131209 (thanks Daniel :P)

Thought.

2009-12-13T15:20:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, broken things are the most beautiful.

I AM BACK

2009-12-11T12:03:00.002+08:00

HAI

I'm home.

To be honest it wasn't such a bad experience. I guess everything was toned down what with the hype in the papers and all. But the trainers and facilitators were pretty nice and cool about everything. And it taught me quite a lot about team work. And I realised that despite all the crap in this country, I really love it and I am definitely proud to be Malaysian. There's so much about us that can't be found anywhere else. Don't worry, I'm not brainwashed - just more aware.

Feels good to start working out and drinking coffee again :)

Oh ya I beat all the boys in the 2km run (ya 2km, pathetic right?) and broke their all time record. 8:17! Hahaha.. But it was very hilly and SUPER windy and I didn't feel I was running that fast so I have a feeling the distance was less than 2km. That was part of their fitness test.

I tried absailing for the first time too.. It was pretty cool.

Ok time to go shower.. Will say more when there's more to say.

HAI

2009-12-05T22:05:00.002+08:00

WILL BE GONE FOR MOST OF NEXT WEEK AS IT IS REQUIRED THAT I ATTEND A BRAINWASHING CAMP ORGANISED BY JPA IN SOME FORSAKEN PLACE IN SEREMBAN CALLED ULU SOMETHING OR OTHER WHERE ONE MUST SHARE TOILETS AND USE A COMMUNAL BATH. I WILL PERISH FROM LACK OF RUNNING AND VEGETABLES. THIS IS HOW SCHOLARSHIP STUDENTS ARE REWARDED.

BAI :'(

2009-12-02T09:33:00.003+08:00

Seems like I haven't written in a while. Don't think I have much to say, really. Last week's mileage was a pathetic 60km. Looks like this week isn't going to be much better. Don't know what is wrong with my right hip flexor. I must run until there is nothing wrong with it. Been spending time feeding my fish in Happy Aquarium, making notes for Biomedicine, and redoing the exercises in my Math HL textbook. I swore I would burn it after IB ended but I'm quite enjoying all the differentiation and trigonometry. I want to leave but I don't want to leave. I'm comfortable with my gym and running routine but I suppose I really ought to move and get somewhere in life? Can't be just about food and exercise and shopping. I need intellectual stimulation. I need mental challenges.

I also feel like buying another pair of running shoes considering the fact that my Frees (both the 5.0 and 3.0 that I use for running) are SERIOUSLY falling apart. The pattern on the sole has been rubbed almost clean away and you can see the rubber almost half a centimetre thinner on the outside of the heel. And apparently, as told to me by several people lately, these shoes don't provide enough support, etc, etc, they are performance/race day shoes, etc, etc. Yah but I love feeling the ground when I run!

Decided to skip this morning's run. Must limit myself to 6 days a week I think. But a day without a run is so damn unproductive and I feel icky. Even with RPM and Pump later. It just ain't the same. What am I blabbering on about now. I want my third breakfast. Bai.

PBIM 2009

2009-11-23T08:11:00.000+08:00

Me and My Baby

2009-11-17T22:06:00.002+08:00

Made this piece 5 years ago. The love's still burning just as strong, if not more.

It's just me and the road, baby.

Another One in the Bag

2009-11-15T15:27:00.003+08:00

Could it have been my Phiten titanium necklace?

Out of Bed and Onto the Road

2009-11-11T07:48:00.002+08:00

One day, I am going to run across a desert, along the coast of the sea, up mountains, beside a stream, through a forest, on sand, through sleet and hail and snow, along a rushing river, across plains, next to the side of a cliff, with lightning and thunder in the sky; one day I am going to run at midnight when it is just me and the stars, during the pre-dawn silence that anticipates the coming of a new day, at 2 a.m. and 3 a.m. and 4 a.m.; one day I am going to run next to an antelope, or a cheetah, or whatever I can keep up with. I want my feet to take me where nothing else ever could. They already have. But I am wanting more.

Legs are truly God's greatest gift to mankind.

Hell Yeah!

2009-11-08T19:01:00.005+08:00

That's the way I like it!

Powerman 2009 was great. Fun fun fun but super duper hot. Team Airborne came in second but we weren't far behind the first team! Not far at all.

47:03 is a nice number. Or collection of numbers. Don't you think??

Good job to everyone who took part!

POWER(WO)MAN!!

2009-11-06T07:47:00.002+08:00

*plays Eye of the Tiger by Rocky*

I must kill the 11km! BUTCHER IT!

I hope I don't get into one of those moods where my legs just refuse to move and my mind does not get "in the zone". This must not happen.

I should go pack. I must bring enough food to last me for 9 meals. (Lunch/Afternoon Tea/Dinner/Supper/Midnight Snack/Breakfast/Morning Tea/Lunch/Snack)

Should I bother bringing my laptop? Maybe I should just bring lots of story books. My laptop is humungous. And I am already bringing one huge frying pan to boil my veggies, my coffee grinder, my coffee press, the big container containing my French Roast coffee beans, two pairs of running shoes (in case), one pair of slippers, two sets of running gear (in case), two (or three) outfits to change into, three cans of tuna, the whole damn box of Weet Bix, a bag of oats, my favourite bowl (which is incidentally very large to fit my veggies into), my favourite plate, a large chopping board, several knives, forks and spoons.

This is why we rarely go on holiday :D

Running Heat in Penang

2009-11-01T08:55:00.002+08:00

Runners, runners everywhere! All ages, sizes, shapes, paces, colours! When it's dark, when it's bright, when it's sunny, when it's raining, when it's hot, when it's windy.. We don't care! The running heat has definitely hit Penang. See old friends, meet up with new ones - Running takes you places and gets you associated with people you never would have thought you'd ever be able to click with. Runners! Some wave, some don't. Some stare at the ground, others gaze at the sky. Some steady, some plodding. Some say "GOOD MORNING" with a happy smile, others keep quiet and look the other way. Some listen to music, some use their breathing as the cadence for their stride. But always running. 'Cos we don't ever stop.

It's nice to be a Runner (note R in upper case). Today at almost every corner I turned, I saw runners I know, others that I don't. It's always great to get an encouraging smile or a high-five or a thumbs up or a "Good job!". Or even a surprised and confused "Oh my God you little girl.. You are everywhere! Stop scaring us!"

I think I hit 83km this week.

The funniest part of today was when I had finished running and was sitting down in front of my car parked along Gurney Drive when I suddenly saw two very fast runners looking super steady followed by Sam a few metres behind who was also looking in great form with his recognisable metronome ticking along.

"HI SAM!" I called out.

The first thing he said before any Hello or Good Morning was "CRAZY WAN THEY ALL.. 4 SOMETHING YOU KNOW!" while waving emphatically to the two men in front of him.

Hahahahahah!

I don't know why but I just find that funny.. Sam, if they were running at 4 something pace, that means you were running at 4 something too because you were very close behind them :)

Eye-Opener

2009-10-29T15:55:00.003+08:00

Just got back from observing patients in the Physiology Department in GH. They were having a stroke clinic whereby patients who had had a stroke performed various simple exercises. I almost started crying in there. The effort it takes for some of them just to lift a leg. It made me so sad. Imagining myself being like that. Can't even stand up, what more run? And to step onto a 3 inch block. The pure grim determination on their faces when they kept faltering, stumbling, and trying again. Patient husbands, loving wives, waiting around them with bated breath. Never giving up. Never relinquishing hope.

Time to reevalute myself.

What I Really Mean When I Say I Love Running

2009-10-23T08:45:00.009+08:00

So I'm known as the crazy little girl who apparently flies on her feet and gets up at insane, ungodly hours to run in the dark. I can't help it - I love running. But what do I really mean when I say I do?

My love for running extends beyond any superficial preoccupation with exercise and 'trying to lose weight' (which is completely unnecessary in my case, anyway). This is why I really dislike the treadmill. Running on treadmills makes me think I am exercising. I do not want to exercise. I want to run. The workout is secondary. Real running is my main concern. I am not saying running on the treadmill is not 'really' running. It is just a totally different concept. On a treadmill, you do not feel the roughness of gravel beneath your feet. You do not have to sidestep the occasional puddle. The coolness on your skin is from the gym's air conditioning and not the early morning moistness in the air. The scenery is static. In front of you are the telephone numbers of the treadmill's manufacturers that you have memorised, and instructions on how to use it (in English and French). There are buttons to make you start, cool down, or stop. The grey belt goes round and round, a repetitive exercise in circularity.

Through running I find solace. It is amazing how movements so simple and basic in nature can give birth to a passion so complex and overwhelming in all its entirety. One foot in front of the other, gentle swinging of the elbows, and feet light on the ground. Body bent slightly forward; minimal rotation of torso. This is dance. This is self expression. Poetry is being created with every step. My lungs and muscles are singing; my heart is going "Hallelujah!" (or "Bloody hell", depending on how much I'm pushing). This is ecstasy. This is absolute love. Everything is on fire. Outside and around me, perhaps the whole world is quiet and dark. Maybe I can hear the sound of a lone bird, or the song of a cicada. But inside me, blood is roaring in my pulsing veins, neurons are firing like machine guns, fibres are pulling and twisting and working together. I am sweating, breathing, and very, very much alive.

Because I love running, everything else has to be accommodated to fit my running schedule. Early mornings are reserved for me-time. My runs are essentially the only time I get to really lose myself in my own thoughts. I feel the release in my legs, and I feel the release in my mind. Each string of constructed memories and intertwined emotions is carefully extricated and relived in my brain. If a problem needs resolving, I don't sleep on it. I run on it. Why sleep, when you can run? To love running is to not care about how messy your hair is and the fact that it's in sweaty clumps, to disregard the amount of dirt on your legs because your heels kick up dust, to relish the fact that you have very few toenails and the ones left are already falling off, and to proudly display the blisters on your toes when you wear high heels.

Running is serious business. There is much that must be taken into account. A huge component would be food. Food is running fuel. Pre-run loading; post-run reward. Extremely necessary. Not always enjoyable to wake up at 3 a.m. and stuff my face, but it is required for performance. So what is required must be done. Then there is the calculation and spacing out of mileage. How much is too much? Is anything ever enough? Running is mathematics, in a way. Numbers must be balanced, equations must make sense. Problems must be solved. Solutions must be found.

I love running because it goes beyond physical. In fact, running is primarily mental and spiritual for me. No doubt I derive pleasure from the physical aspect of it: The unbreakable rhythm of my bodily movements, the endorphins swimming around in my system, the burning in my calves and thighs when sprinting up a hill, the relief in my legs after finishing a long run. But the ultimate satisfaction is internal. With running there is often chastising of self for not 'doing enough', feeling guilty for missing runs, cursing the weather when it rains and you've already planned and mapped out a whole lovely long route but God, now the whole schedule is going to go awry, etc, etc. Yet with running there is also much room for self-praise, personal gratification, a sense of purpose, and much more besides. I am lucky. I have found meaning for my life through running. Running is not only a passion. It is a lifestyle.

Running is my disease, but it is also my cure.

1025

231009

Nonsense

2009-10-18T09:41:00.002+08:00

(Sing to the tune of Old MacDonald had a farm)

Old MacSarah loves to run

E I E I O

But while she ran she had some pain

E I E I O

Pain pain here,

Pain pain there,

Pain here pain there

Everywhere pain pain

Old MacSarah loves to run

E I E I O

Thoughts

2009-10-16T09:25:00.005+08:00

I thought this thought 6 times this morning: The best part about running hills is when you get to the almost-top part and your legs are on fire and you've almost reached muscle failure but then you give the final push and the burn in your muscles propels you forward; calves, hamstrings and quadriceps and hundreds of other muscles you never knew you had all pushing you to the crest. And then it's downhill all the way and you don't have to do anything: Just fly.

I am getting very very bored of Gardens. It's so predictable. I know the position of every tree, shrub and soon this will probably extend to blades of grass.

Yesterday I had a nice lunch at Miraku with Sun Nee, Pin, Aunty G and her friend Angelina (Quote: You must always dress up before going out. Rain has a damn sexy butt.) Thank God the salads were huge to satisfy my cow's appetite. I don't normally eat out because I find it a bit difficult but yesterday I just let go. Laughed a lot. The two aunties are so funny. Oops, not supposed to call Angelina "aunty". Anyway.. It was a really nice girlie sort of time. And I can't believe everyone shared to pay for my meal. If I had known I wouldn't have ordered so much cow's food. I kept going "Aiyo, aiyo" and Angelina was like "Why you aiyo aiyo!?" Anyway, thanks guys. I really appreciate it. My turn to pay next time!

Popped down to say hi to Darren who looks so darn cute in his little white shirt with black apron and Coffee Bean visor which presses his hair down and leaves a permanent mark.

Then went to SGGS to pass Sherilyn her birthday present which I hope she likes. I spent quite a long time making the stuff and decorating it :D but she looked really happy so it was all worth it.

Currently I am writing a book called "Letters to my Mother". Everyday, I compose a sort of journal entry addressed to my mum and I say all the things I want to say to her but am too afraid/proud/angry/sad to reveal in real life. Then on the last day before I leave, I will give it to her. Almost every day I analyse our arguments, and what we should have said or could have not said. And because I find it hard to say in real life, I must remind her everyday in this book that I really love her.

Nadal is in the quarter finals of the Shanghai Open and boy, he'd better win this. He's playing really well. But then everytime I say that he does something to screw up his chances of winning. But I still love him in all his muscular glory. I'm going to marry him one day I swear. After I finish a marathon. Make that several marathon(s). I have two more years to complete a marathon. I want/need to do one before I am 21 for peace of mind.

Ok I have lost my train of thought.

I am going to take a nap now.

Will update you about my make up course with Miss Su and Miss Kylie (who incidentally has my sex in a bag, soon to be made into sex in a cup). I am talking about French Roast and not some erotic night time toy.

I am damn sleepy.

4.27 a.m. is a little too early when you sleep at 1 a.m.

Disturbed

2009-10-14T13:19:00.000+08:00

When things don't go to plan, I just get bloody pissed off.

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGARHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRGAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGGG

Harmony

2009-10-13T08:25:00.001+08:00

the tiny rivulets

of narrow blue and

red pump through your

limbs like tireless

rivers of life and

your minutely twitching fibres

are

singing to each other

O what perfect symphony

this harmonious humming;

this melody of sharply indrawn breath,

feet pattering on tar,

hair so gentle on the shoulders,

and the orchestration of the rising sun.

this is you standing on

the very crest of the wave at

an infinitessimal moment in time,

before everything comes

crashing down to shore.

0940

121009

((=

2009-10-12T20:44:00.002+08:00

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

- Oscar Wilde

o Lordy

2009-10-12T09:13:00.009+08:00

LOOK AT THAT! HOW COULD YOU NOT LOVE THAT!

AND AS I WAS WALKING IN GURNEY YESTERDAY I PASSED THE NIKE SHOP (NOT THE SPORTY NIKE SHOP BUT THE NIKE SHOP WHERE THEY SELL GOING OUT CLOTHES) AND AND AND THERE WAS THIS HUGE POSTER OF NADAL IN A NIKE HOODIE! WONDER IF I CAN GET MY PARENTS TO CURI THIS ONE FROM THEM AS WELL.. THEN I CAN HAVE TWO LIFE SIZE NADALS IN MY ROOM!

Sunday Run

2009-10-11T16:40:00.004+08:00

Reaaaaaaally good run today. I felt excellent. Could have gone on some more. Comfortable pace. I weathered the weather. Roughly 27km (Malakoff route + 1 round of Jesselton). Time was around 2 hours 30 minutes but I took a terrified stop due to scary barking dogs, 5 minute toilet break, kept backtracking and running backwards to ask Sun Nee for directions (sorry ah kacau you so many times), and stopping to adjust the damn sole of my shoe which kept slipping. That's easily ten minutes wasted. Race day: must go faster, must glue shoe, must know exact directions, must pee and pee and pee before starting. Then everything will be awesome. This week, I hit 80km. How do I keep increasingly weekly, then?

Cadence is a very nice word.

I love running in the dark at 5 a.m. (Well, technically 5.15 a.m.) and you hear sounds around you but really, you're all alone and the silence is so profound and your legs are moving and you don't seem to hit the ground and everything is light as a feather and you start to sweat and it feels so damn good and you're keeping the pace and you're not thinking of anything at all and the rain starts falling in your eyes and despite that you just keep going and going and going and your feet have a life of their own; mind and body are separate entities but they are still one because they have to work together even though it's unconscious and there's so much communication between blood and bone and sinew and heart and emotions and all this is going on in you even though you don't know it, even though the rain is falling and the wind is blowing against you, you are unbeatable; you are indefatigable. Maybe this will only last for one day and I'll never have an experience like it again, but runs like these make me feel lucky to have legs and a 46 beats/min resting pulse.

We run because we are animals, and much more besides.

REMINDER TO SARAH S. CH'NG

2009-10-09T16:38:00.001+08:00

ALWAYS STRETCH YOUR FASCIA LATA BEFORE AND AFTER EVERY RUN !

From One of My Fave Books of All Time

2009-10-07T13:55:00.003+08:00

There is nothing quite so gentle, deep, and irrational as our running—and nothing quite so savage, and so wild.

- Bernd Heinrich, Why We Run: A Natural History

I read it three years ago and it's still one of my favourite books of all time even though I have read many good books in between.

I love differentiating and integrating. It makes me feel so differentiated and integrated.

Peace.

Hello my little people

2009-10-06T17:42:00.003+08:00

Sorry for the severe lack of updates. Just didn't really have much to tell you about what's going on in my life right now. Got lovely late birthday presents from Sarah B and Mum (black Nike jacket with sparkles, long sleeve pink T and another white Reebok shirt). I started doing Maths exercises again. It's a relief to get the brain working. I can't believe I've been stagnant for so long. I feel like such a redundant fool. Did some medical check ups and took a couple of jabs yesterday. Filled in forms for the scholarship. Very troublesome. I spent about 5 hours just filling up three quarters and there's still so much to be done: passport, Visa, blablabla.

I really think I need help to curb my shopping. Went to Queensbay on Saturday and for no apparent reason besides the fact they were 50% off, I bought three Billabong shirts and a hat (even though I already have 6 hats and they're all very similar). I don't even wear hats to go out here. I always think "Aiyah what's the point, just going to Gurney only". So why do I buy? Good question. No answer. On that Saturday, Adidas was having a foot scanning thing to check what kind of feet you have and the degree of pronation. Well since I had nothing to do I checked mine out, but the line for the consultation was too long and the guy said they would be going to Gardens the next morning so I could just meet them there. So I said OK. He asked "Are you a runner?" I said "Hell yes I am" He said "You don't look like one". I just kept quiet. The next morning I was running in the Gardens and at around 6.30 a.m. I saw some Adidas people come set up their little booth. I continued running. On my 5th round it started to pour. Like, really heavily. I continued running. I was super soaked and it was super cold. Bloody fantastic. I ran faster. Passed the stupid little Adidas booth again and again. Finally when I finished I went up to the same guy I had met yesterday and said "Still don't think I look like a runner?" He was the one who kept quiet this time. They'd kind of packed up because the rain was so heavy. I still wanted a foot consultation though. So this other guy checked my foot. He said that I have normal feet but I over-pronate (I already know that). Apparently I need shoes with higher soles in the middle. But I love my Nike frees! Especially my 3.0. It's like running barefoot. So so so wonderful. Makes me feel more of an animal. Wait, do I want to be an animal or do I want to be a Kenyan?

Anyway after that I bathed and had TO MISS RPM BECAUSE IT WAS AH KONG'S 93RD BIRTHDAY. -.- Family reunions are excruciating. I went to take a passport photo as well but I was wearing red so I had to buy a black shirt since the black coat at the photo shop was too big. So we went into the first clothes shop we saw and not only did I buy a black shirt but of course I bought black heels as well (but they are lovely).

Now how could anyone not buy that?

And then after Sunday was Monday and then today is Tuesday and nothing substantial has happened. Bai

<3

2009-09-29T13:28:00.000+08:00

17 years and counting :)

Dying House

2009-09-28T09:34:00.003+08:00

I talk

about you like

you are a stranger,

but I know you well.

You are the

poison

that infects

this empty house -

our windows mottled

with disease.

The pallor of

your

fingers

that caress the

mildewed walls make

you

the Demon

of my living nightmare

0939

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We Are Not Joggers by Pearl Izumi

2009-09-26T22:20:00.000+08:00

280

2009-09-25T22:48:00.002+08:00

Today was an alright day. In the morning, ran my usual 8km round the house then did some 50m sprints (not many). And my 'sprinting' is pathetic anyway. I only have one gear. Er then I did 100 push ups. Then I bathed and had my second breakfast. Mum and I went to visit Tok Bedah at her apartment in The Regency. It's huge, but empty and desolate. I guess that's what happens when one gets old and everyone starts growing up and passing on. Developed the Raya photos. Came back, had lunch. Watched Discovery Travel and Living for one hour. Rarely do I sit that long in front of the TV. Then went online. Read some magazines. Had afternoon tea and a snack. Fell asleep. Woke up at 5.22 p.m. Changed and went to the gym for RPM. My first time trying RPM 44. It is bloody excellent. Track 6 is wonderful, if you're in the mood. Alone in the Dark by DJ Tiesto. I know the song well. I put it on repeat when I run on the treadmill because you can just lose yourself in it. Came back and had a quiet dinner with mum. Watched more TV (AFC). Came online. Ate supper. I just signed up for Powerman. Runner 1 = Me, cyclist = Oy-Leen, Runner 2 = My dad (God bless our group :P). I don't understand all the payment business. Am too lazy to do anything else now. Must ask Sun Nee. Will bug Dad tomorrow. He went to some Chung Ling gathering. Did I mention my gluteus maximus really hurts? Power lunges yesterday are really taking their toll. I want a nice long lovely slow stretch. But it's 11.06 p.m. so I'll just do it tomorrow. I think I am going offline now. Nitey nite.

KL Trip

2009-09-24T17:27:00.008+08:00

I should be continuing my anatomy lectures by Marian Diamond but never mind, I shall write about my KL trip:

Left Penang on Saturday at 12 something p.m. Parents had to wait for me to finish RPM and Circuit :P. We reached my uncle's house in 3 hours 30 minutes. My mum was driving for the first time. She hit 140km/h for a lot of the way. Mad woman. And she tells me I drive fast.

Rested until it was time to break fast and then we ate a bit at home (Me with my huge bowl of veggies and fruits, everyone else with lots of biscuits and all manner of kuihs). Then we got ready and went to this Japanese retaurant in a hotel next to .. some mall. There are too many malls in KL, I lose track. I had octopus and salmon and tuna and scallop sashimi (i.e. I ate a lot). Raw seafood. Wow. Well, everyone was saying I needed to put on weight anyway so yeah whatever.. Just let go. You know how much the final bill was? RM900 something. The 'something' was closer to 1000 than it was to 900. My poor uncle.

THE NEXT MORNING WAS RAYA! Yay. I had a slow run and was bathed, dressed and had eaten by 8. My cousins hadn't even gotten up. The maid was damn surprised when I asked her to open the door at 6.45 a.m. She was unused to such odd morning behaviour (my cousins don't normally get up before 11 unless there is something urgent). Anyway. People started arriving at ten-ish. We salaam-ed, received duit raya, the normal formalities. Then we went visiting. Oh God there was like rendang and ketupat everywhere. My dad had eaten 5 big meals by 2 p.m. When I say big, I mean like, plates of rice and sate and all the Malay food that I don't know the names of. I brought 6 apples and 4 pears in my bag, a can of tuna and a huge tupperware of veggies. Lol. Just in case. I kept pulling food out of my bag. My relatives thought I had a mini-fridge in there.

More duit raya and houses blablabla. Tiring lah.

Some pics:

Next day we went to a few more houses. Then in the afternoon we went shopping! But only briefly. Er. I bought a lot in a short span of time, just like I always do. We went shopping on Tuesday too. A list of purchased items: Two sets of pajamas from Women's Secret, a pair of Grendha flip flops, a blue Adidas cap (I don't know for what since I never wear caps), 7 books from MPH, two necklaces, 5 pairs of earrings, two shirts from Kitschen, and I'm sure there was something else but I can't remember at the moment.

It was really nice spending time with the family after so long. They're such a fun bunch. But I really was itching to go home and get back to my normal, predictable, safe routine, e.g. 18km this morning and ABT at the gym at 11 a.m. That is the life :)

BTW Illy coffee is really, really, really good. Ok I'm going for a nice relaxing cycle now. CIAO!

Sarah = Idiot

2009-09-24T09:25:00.001+08:00

If you don't start now, when the hell are you ever going to?

The Culinary Master is at Work Again

2009-09-18T14:28:00.018+08:00

On account of it being Raya soon and also based on the fact that I love baking, I decided to make lots of lovely thingies for my lucky relatives.

Item # 1

Chocolate chip cupcakes with fudge icing and white chocolate sprinkles

Item # 2

Oat and almond cookies

Item # 3

Chocolate fudge macadamia brownie

Item # 4

Almond biscotti

My maid is really pissed because she has so much washing up to do :P If any one wants the recipes, let me know.

Today the air was cool, the morning fresh and crisp. I had a really slow pathetic 10km run and then went for a super short hike. My hamstrings still ache (the really nice kind of ache) from doing deadlifts yesterday and the day before. I love doing deadlifts. The slight ache in the back and the legs is so nice. And then a long stretch after is just sublime. I know I am a masochist.

I've packed my bags for KL, leaving tomorrow. Trying to get parents to leave after 12 noon so at least I can go to the gym for a bit. I'll be gone for quite a while, o Lordy all those lovely gym classes missed! :( And I don't know the distances in Tropicana Golf Resort which is where my uncle's house is and where I'll be staying. And considering the fact that I am way off normal pace I won't be able to tell how far I've really run! Belardy hell. Must get Dad to measure using the car. I hope I don't get lost or chased by dogs. That area is pretty quiet. Full of huge houses and perfectly manicured lawns. They don't even have gates or fences. The guards at the guardhouse have like, guns.

Sigh. Time to build back everything that I have lost, weight-wise and pace-wise. This is a long and arduous task ahead of me. My five remaining toenails have become four again. I told you I am a masochist. My eyes are tired but sleep won't come. I've been watching lectures on anatomy by Marian Diamond on YouTube. Starting to take notes and reading intellectual material again is a welcome relief. I have degenerated into stagnancy over the past few months.

I've discovered a new love for trance music. Odd, I know. I really don't seem like the kind. But there's something so comforting about the regularity of the beat, the way it's so consistent and the repetitive pounding. I can just lose myself in the music sometimes. And it calms me down when I am angry, which is a lot of the time. So much of all this anger is really not healthy.

Currently I am reading The White Castle by Orhan Pamuk. I've read almost a book a day for the past two months. I have 16 unread books left (i.e. time to go buy more). I hate library books. I like to own the books I read. I can't enjoy a dog-eared and curry-stained and spine-cracked book. No, no and no! Did I ever mention I have this weird habit of smelling every new book I buy? I love the smell of books. It's even better than the aroma of French Roast, and that's saying something.

4.21 p.m.

3 more hours to go, and then tomorrow is the last day. Am I relieved? Yes, to be honest - even though that may be blasphemous. I'm sorry that I fail you, God.

Trance

2009-09-16T22:17:00.002+08:00

I let my thoughts trail slowly so the time passes by faster.

Extricate them one by one so that the legs feel no fatigue.

And I've started typing out each thought with my fingers like on a keyboard.

It takes quite a while.

Sometimes I even backspace.

People must think me odd, seeing me with my fingers twitching while I run.

It works.

And then I choose a nice mantra, and type it over and over again (no copy and paste).

3 more days of fasting, then that whole horrible Raya break where I'll be cooped up in KL visiting relatives houses and facing stifling comments. I'm staying in Tropicana which is a reaaaaally nice place to run but I don't know the distances! :( :( :(

Aih.. Why does the thing I love the most - running - cause me so much stress?

!?!?!

2009-09-14T23:32:00.001+08:00

Kara Goucher freaking runs 150 miles a week WTF? I feel useless.

Walauweh

2009-09-12T23:36:00.000+08:00

Wa beh tahan

Haha

2009-09-11T12:14:00.001+08:00

This is funny

(Courtesy of Sam)

Look at what the stripes on the fish spell out :P

(SLAP)

2009-09-10T13:21:00.001+08:00

NOT ENOUGH TODAY, SARAH!

Fingers

2009-09-10T13:17:00.002+08:00

The dread that fills these fingers is an impenetrable dread. They feel heavy, weighed down: a metaphysical burden that manifests itself through flesh and skin and bone. There is an underlying aching; a certain yearning for an elusive dream. These fingers chatter noiselessly across the page but their silent speech ceases to hold any meaning; anything of significance.

The fingertips are calloused; rough like sandpaper. Fingernails, bitten down to the core. Pink and sickly yellow lies the puckered meat beneath. Like something ugly. Like something dying. And always that incessant throb, neverending - an extension of a deeper dissatisfaction within. Where is the connection, and how is it severed?

Fingers do their stuttering dance, but nothing is ever said.

0606

100909

A Thought

2009-09-09T08:48:00.002+08:00

With all the effort I put into conserving my energy while running, one might wonder when I actually use it.

Announcement

2009-09-08T13:33:00.001+08:00

In my dreams I'm a Kenyan.

Sigh... :)

2009-09-04T17:28:00.002+08:00

Please win the US Open :) Thank you

Thank You

2009-09-03T20:02:00.001+08:00

for the present, Pin :)

The Slowness of Me

2009-09-02T08:44:00.002+08:00

I want to be an antelope

and I didn't enjoy this morning's run

so screw the world.

ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Update

2009-08-31T20:34:00.000+08:00

Hi.

'Twas my birthday yesterday. Mum gave me my presents early in the morning (circa 4.30 a.m.) when we got up for Sahur. A collection of poems in this really nice, huge thick and beautifully illustrated book, another book (one of those gift books for daughters), and a credit card. Haha! Dangerous stuff, me being the shopper I am.

Had a really short birthday run, but quite satisfying. Last week's mileage was 63km, not bad considering the fact that I'm fasting. But I've stopped RPM, for the time being anyway, until my fascia lata feels a bit better.

Today I went for the Merdekaton thing at the gym, and it was quite fun I must say, although for some reason I was particularly thirsty, and my mouth was feeling funny so I skipped the weights bit. When we were doing the treadmill session (everyone was supposed to start off with 7.5kmph, increase it to 9 after 10 minutes, and then finally to 10 for the last ten minutes but I went straight to 12kmph because that's like 5 minutes a km which is pretty slow anyway and my normal warm up speed), after a couple of kms I increased it to 12.8kmph (which, seriously, isn't that fast! But I told myself not to push too hard on account of the thirst, and I was getting a really bad stitch on the left side of my stomach) and David went around saying "FASTER! FASTER! YOU SEE SARAH? 12.8! 12.8!" Walauweh pai seh OMGWTF? Anyway I had already done a run (albeit really short 4km one in the morning) and double runs just don't seem to work for me. But yeah. It was pretty good. I wish I hadn't been fasting then I would have been able to do it properly. o Lord I should slap myself for saying that. Such blasphemous thoughts.

I'm reading this really, really good book called "Calculating God" and it's about an alien who lands on Earth, convinced of the existence of God and the alien tries to prove it scientifically to a paleontologist (who is also an athiest), Tom Jericho. It's so bloody fascinating.

Alien: "The suggestion that essentially a scientist created our current universe would explain the long-standing philosophical conundrum of why this universe is indeed comprehensible to the scientific mind; why human abstractions such as mathematics and induction and aesthetics are applicable to the nature of reality. Our universe is scientifically understandable because it was created by a vastly advanced intelligence who used the tools of science."

"We grow up to realise that theft is wrong, and yet.. yet why do we feel it's wrong? If it increases reproductive success, shouldn't evolution have favoured it? For that matter, we think infidelity is wrong, but I could obviously increase my reproductive success by impregnating multiple females. If theft is advantageous for everyone who succeeds at it, and adultery is a good strategy, at least for males, for increasing presence in the gene pool, why do we feel they are wrong? Shouldn't the only morality that evolution produces be the kind Bill Clinton had - being sorry you got caught?"

Nice. :)

Oh ya, Happy Merdeka, Malaysia, sad though you may be, I still love you. You're home.

P.S: Thank you Jasryn Ng, for the lovely present.

French

2009-08-27T16:44:00.002+08:00

Ca fait longtemps depuis que j'ai ecrit en francais

J'ai perdu l'abilite a parler couramment en cette langue magnifique

o Lordy it really has deteriorated hasn't it! And to think I could write such lovely long essays!!!!! Must start revising again.

Wednesday

2009-08-26T08:58:00.005+08:00

Pain like I've never felt before, pain searing up the sides of my thighs; aching, throbbing, burning, hurting, screaming PAIN, with every step I can feel the impact of the ground reverberating along my thudding limbs, one, two, thud, thud, PAIN. My poor, tense, strained fascia lata.

On the other hand, 16km in under 80 minutes isn't that bad. All I had to do was repeat to myself "I AM A ROBOT I FEEL NO PAIN I AM A ROBOT I FEEL NO PAIN I AM A ROBOT I FEEL NO PAIN I AM A ROBOT I FEEL NO PAIN I AM A ROBOT I FEEL NO PAIN I AM A ROBOT I FEEL NO PAIN I AM A ROBOT I FEEL NO PAIN I AM A ROBOT I FEEL NO PAIN I AM A ROBOT I FEEL NO PAIN I AM A ROBOT I FEEL NO PAIN I AM A ROBOT I FEEL...."

.. and so on. Managed to sustain me 10 small rounds + 3 big rounds of the Gardens and to and from the car park. I was also mentally listening to DJ Dean in my head since I know the songs and the beat so well, it was like having my own silent trance radio station. I could practically hear the music, even though my iPod was at home in my room.

It's only 9 a.m. and I am already hungry and thirsty because this is normally my second breakfast time. Even though this morning at 4 a.m. I ate enough to make a glutton proud, I am already conditioned to post-run meals.. I want :( I will probably be severely dehydrated by later, so I shall carry lighter weights in Body Pump. Should I even go? Mum will kill me when I get back.

As I was running this morning, a group of those old Chinese men who talk very loudly, laugh non-stop and block the road kept clapping when they saw me and saying "WAAAHHH HO LIAO!". Thank you but O little man-dudes, you don't have to do it for 5 rounds. It gets a little awkward. Plus, if you want to allow me to run properly, you should KINDLY NOT BLOCK THE ROAD THANK YOU PLEASE MOVE THREE AND A HALF INCHES TO YOUR RIGHT. I showed them a thumbs up on the third round thinking they'd accept my acknowledgement and get on with their walk but Oh, No, We Must Cheer For The Crazy Little Girl Who Runs Like A Maniac Non Stop Every Time We See Her!

O my poor little leggies. Instantaneous gratification VS. permanent damage????? Choose O Wise One.

I finally finished all 647 pages of Midnight's Children, which I must say, is one of the worst books I have ever read. Salman Rushdie is blasphemous. I only stuck with it because I paid a whole lot for the damn thing, and once I start a book I make it a point to finish. Perseverance and all that.

BLOODY LEGS, I CAN FEEL THE ACHE EVEN NOW. IT ONLY SEEMS TO DISAPPEAR WHEN I AM RUNNING UPHILL. DOWNHILL, IT'S TERRIBLE. STANDING UP, IT'S TERRIBLE. SITTING DOWN, IT'S EVEN WORSE. DOES THIS CALL FOR SUSTAINED UPHILL MOVEMENTS THROUGHOUT THE DAY? NO, I AM MAD ENOUGH ALREADY.

I feel like reading a Psychology textbook. Ciao. Will rant more later.

MY LEGS

2009-08-25T10:38:00.003+08:00

HURT. WHY DO THEY HURT?

It's like this dull, persistent ache and spans the whole length of my femur.

But resting is inconceivable.

Not that I'm doing much anyway

Pathetic person I am

Third Day

2009-08-24T21:23:00.003+08:00

of fasting.

Running has become a pathetic lumbering along.

I am very frustrated

Why is that when my air conditioner is 22 degrees, it's freezing but when it's 23 degrees, I sweat?

Insane.

HOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW HOWHOWHOWHOWHOW

How much can one's fitness dwindle in a month?

And my sleep has gone haywire since I'm up the whole night stuffing my face

My arm hair fascinates me. It's like constantly static.

This is such a random and incoherent post.

Sorry

HI GOD

IT'S ME

2009-08-21T20:40:00.002+08:00

Fasting month starts tomorrow, and all I can think about is how I'm going to keep up my weekly 60km. I hate my selfish self. Why do I not appreciate the holiness of this sacred month of Ramadhan, where people bond and find themselves spiritually through the act of fasting and of prayer? I really used to be able to - it would come easily, the search for solitude, the self-complacency after a whole day of denying food and drink. And now, now what? All I can think of is _____ and ______.

God please let me find you again.. I know you are waiting.

My 19th Birthday Party

2009-08-18T20:18:00.024+08:00

So the morning sucked because it rained and I missed my routine 20km but all my lovely friends more than made up for it, you guys really really made my birthday party very special for me and it's something I will remember for a long long time.

Dad, Kakak and I spent most of the morning and post-lunch period preparing the food. There was a humungous tuna salad (tuna, lettuce, apples, oranges, pears, prunes, Portabello mushrooms), vegetable kebabs, corn on the cob, cheese crackers + cheese dip, rockmelon + grapes + strawberries + chocolate dip (Which was conveniently in front of Ada and Sheril the whole time), Bruschetta (tomatoes + onions + garlic + parsley), pasta (with basil seasoning and Parmesan cheese), and chocolate macadamias (from Sammie and Wai Kit, thanks guys!).

Note: 1.38 p.m. Message from Priya. "For the record, there's no such thing as a party without me ok!" ;)

So we makan-ed and chatted and took pictures under the rambutan tree. Thanks Sammie and Wai Kit again for grilling all the stuff, hehe! Wei Yun was fascinated by my cat, and gave her a hand orgy. The entertainment of the day was my electric pepper grinder. Upon demonstration, everyone went "Woaaaaah". Wei Yun then proceeded to put it back on the table, only the wrong way round. LOL! I could hear snippets of different stories being told around the table, and it just suddenly struck me how all these little things make us who we are; the accumulation of these seemingly tiny things comes to define the lines of our mad world. I felt lucky and blessed, to be surrounded by all these beautiful people who took the trouble to come and share today with me. Thank you.

Luckily it didn't rain while we were eating but it soon got dark so we took everything inside. Then I proceeded to open the presents.

Wahhhhh board game hand made by Mr. Sweaty Darren. So chun lar. Brilliant idea. And meticulously done too. Deck of cards, tokens, even a dice! My card is the best. Lol. Darren, thank you. Like I said, beyond words. :)

Can't wait to read this book from Jing Min. And thanks for the seaweed! I'll be eating a lot of seaweed for the next few weeks.... :P

Always wanted to try, but never got round to buying :) Thanks Sammie and Wai Kit! Shall taste it tomorrow.

Lolok... Contents beyond description :)

Yeah it's PURPLE. Thanks Sara and Evan.

Pretty pretty hairbands and belt + strawberries and nuts in jars from Panit and Su. So thoughtful guys, thanks. :)

Handmade by Ada with my picture inside. Lol.

And Wei Yun's lovely squishy strawberry which both Benjamin and Peter absolutely love.. Now there is some excitement in their life! Lol. It can also be used as a very fashionable hat:

(or perhaps Jasryn just makes it look fashionable as she does to everything :P)

Guys, thank you so much for making it happen, for making today so wonderful, for the letters, cards, hugs, smiles, laughter, for your presence - for taking the trouble to come. I hope you guys had fun and enjoyed yourselves. All of you really mean a lot to me. I couldn't ask for more.

How cute!!!

2009-08-15T13:16:00.001+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9Yj93CHmq0

Haha! Babies! I like.

Pearl Hill is such a lovely place to run. The muscle burn is just about right; just enough.

Official Announcement

2009-08-13T20:36:00.002+08:00

I LOVE MY NEW BIKE!!!!!!

It is just so freaking awesome.

I went for a 10 minute cycle around the neighbourhood.

I heard forks and knives clinking against plates; the warm chatter around dinner tables, I heard televisions blasting at full volume, I smelt fish frying in oil, I heard people singing, I heard people laughing, I saw the sparkling gravel beneath my feet and the headlights of oncoming cars, I heard the low rumble of prayers from the mosque, I felt the wind in my hair and on my face and between my fingers, I sensed infinite companionship in the families living around me.

I love my new bike!

Question

2009-08-12T23:01:00.001+08:00

we sit under the

blanket of night,

watching the stars like

droplets of glittering

diamond tears on the

black canvas.

you hold your open palm

and look at me,

(an offering) your

eyes as wide and questioning

as the expanse of the open sea.

what innocence

lies in your bosom, your

slightly parted lips that

draw in each gentle

breath,

you extend your outstretched arm

and look at me,

(an offering)

but somehow, i

don't have the voice

to give an answer.

2303 120809

Quote

2009-08-11T14:24:00.002+08:00

"Tennis, per se, isn't the ultimate sport. But tennis the way Rafael Nadal plays it could be."

- Michael Miner in the chicagoreader.com

Lovemaking

2009-08-10T21:44:00.000+08:00

O tell me what

it felt like, the

tremors that ran through

your fingers as

you laid your head so

softly on her breast.

and how the fluttering

wings of her butterfly

eye-

lashes brushed

gently across your cheek.

O how did it feel to

know that you

were sharing your

body and limbs

with another?

was it a desperately-

kept secret, or

will i hear the

smile in your voice when

you tell me all about it?

1133 100809

My Life According to Michael Jackson! Grabbed from E-Quine's Blog.. Again.

2009-08-10T20:12:00.002+08:00

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions.
You can't use the band I used.
Try not to repeat a song title.
It's a lot harder than you think! Repost as "my life according to (band name)"

Pick your Artist:
Michael Jackson

Are you a male or female:

I am a Dirty Diana

Describe yourself:

I am Dangerous

How do you feel:

I feel Bad.. Leave Me Alone

Describe where you currently live:

In the Closet

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:

Back to HIStory

Your favourite form of transportation:

Rockin' Robin

Your best friend is:

A Pretty Young Thing..

You and your best friends are:

Invincible

What's the weather like:

It's Bad

Favourite time of day:

Morning Glow

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:

Greatest Show on Earth

What is life to you:

We've Got a Good Thing Going

Your last relationship:

He Beat It

Your fear:

Ghosts, and Blood on the Dancefloor

What is the best advice you have to give:

What Goes Around Comes Around

Thought for the Day:

Touch the One You Love

How I would like to die:

By a Smooth Criminal

My soul's present condition:

Euphoria

My motto:

Don't Let it Get You Down

2009-08-10T11:24:00.000+08:00

O sweet spontaneous by E. E. Cummings

O sweet spontaneous
earth how often have
the doting

fingers of
prurient philosophies pinched
and poked

thee
has the naughty thumb
of science prodded
thy

beauty how
often have religions taken
thee upon their scraggy
knees squeezing and

buffeting thee that thou mightest conceive
gods
but
true

to the incomparable
couch of death thy
rhythmic
lover

thou answerest

them only with

spring

Mon Vélo

2009-08-08T21:03:00.005+08:00

MY NEW BICYCLE! I'm not one of those crazy professional racing cyclists. I just like feeling the wind in my hair. But hey, who can resist buying such a nice, sexy red bike? =D

And the helmet is my Dad's because he got all excited about me buying a bike so now he wants to cycle too. I think he just bought the helmet so that he'd look all pro. Haha!

Can't wait to try it.

And I bought cycling shoes too! Finally I'll be using the right muscles in RPM :P

Lalala

2009-08-08T07:31:00.001+08:00

Morning!

10km done; Sculpt later.

Happy birthday Niresh.

Friday Morning; 070809

2009-08-07T08:28:00.003+08:00

This morning, did 8km while listening to Linkin Park. I actually managed to almost finish their whole Meteora album, which just goes to show how very slow I was running (i.e. it took me 40 minutes). My muscles are still super tight from all that work I did on my ass yesterday in the gym (My mum would say: "What ass? You have no bum!" Har har, Mum). I like this ache. This kind of ache is very nice. The post-workout ache. I also quite enjoy the during-workout pain. Tis lovely. It feels like your muscles are on fire.

This morning I woke up and hated Sally with an insistent and intense vehemence that alarmed me. I know, embrace one's flaws, etc, etc. But Sally is annoying. She's the only thing I can't seem to get rid of. Or maybe she's just my imaginary friend (foe?).

Any attempt at creating a piece of artistic or meaningful poetry seems to be thwarted by the severe drying up of my shrivelled, underused and understimulated brain. Where is the flow of words being channelled to? FREUD, TELL ME, YOU OLD FART. WHAT DOES MY SAD PREDICAMENT COME TO SIGNIFY? HUH? HUH!? (An incomplete childhood and overinvestment of libido at the anal stage resulting in developmental arrestation at that particular point of life, thus causing residual anal behaviours to be carried forward to adulthood). I just made that sentence up by the way. Seems like all that info is swimming around somewhere. I am definitely anal-retentive. And to a certain extent, oral-aggressive. Maybe a mixure of 70%/30%?

Why the hell am I writing all this crap down? I honestly have nothing to think of. My intellectual capacity is being insulted. I need something to focus on; a goal.

Thought of the day: Challenge yourself everyday, try something new.

Things I Should Do:

1. Stop peeling my toenails

2. Stock up on glycogen reserves before fasting month

3. Give my mother hugs more often

4. Read the Quran every night

5. Stop spending so much money on unnecessary things (Why the hell did I buy an RM27 Rubik's cube?)

6. Allocate more time and attention for my lovely man and future husband Rafael Nadal who will be returning to play in the Roger's Cup in Montreal

7. Start getting fitter Goddammit

8. Stop buying any more jackets (19 IS ENOUGH! ENOUGH!)

9. Donate some money and things to charity

10. Trim the back hedge

11. Wear gloves and long sleeves when I'm trimming the back hedge so I don't get cuts all over my arms like the other time

12. Stop consuming as much vegetable and fruit matter as a hippopotamus (the 30 apples that my Dad bought are diminishing very quickly. I think there are only 14 left). My dad said I remind him of the hippopotamuses (hippopotami?) at the zoo: During meal times a bucket of fruits is thrown into their happily gaping mouths. Nice to know, Dad.

I've already wasted unnecessary time on this unnecessary post. See you later.

Boredom

2009-08-06T17:51:00.002+08:00

I was so freaking bored that I actually read the first 3 units of Exercise Physiology in the Biology textbook and made notes. -.-

Ventilation:

1. Air flow is tidal (enters and leaves via same route) - Therefore there is always a mixture between residual air and incoming air that dilutes it.

2. Tidal volume = Amount of air inhaled/exhaled

3. Vital capacity = Volume of air expelled after maximum inhalation

4. Total lung capacity = Volume of air in lungs after maximum inhalation (Vital capacity + Residual volume)

During exercise:

1. Sub-maximal exercise: Ventilation rate increases and then steadies - Plateaus out whereby ventilation rate is enough to sustain level of exercise (Supplies enough energy to contracting muscles)

2. Maximal exercise: Ventilation rate increases continuously until exercise ends

Effects of Training and Exercise:

1. Aim: Achieve long term favourable physiological adaptation; body can cope better with stresses imposed when doing the sport

2. Sub-maximal exercise for several weeks reduces oxygen consumption by pulmonary system's muscles (diaphragm and intercostal muscles), therefore less oxygen is consumed by ventilatory muscles, leaving more available for locomotory muscles.

3. Tidal volumes increase and ventilation rates decrease with sub-maximal exercise training.

4. Percentage oxygen in trained people's exhaled breaths: 14-15% compared with 18% in untrained people

5. No effect on lung volume (unchanged vital capacity), but maximum ventilation rate increases.

6. Stroke volume: Volume of blood pumped out of heart with each contraction (difference in volume of blood before and after ventricular contraction)

7. Cardiac output: Volume of blood pumped out by heart per minute (stroke volume x heart rate = cardiac output)

8. Entire volume of our blood flows through pulmonary and systemic circulations while physically inactive.

9. Venous return: Volume of blood returning to heart via veins per minute.

10. When venous return increases, so does cardiac output (as there is more blood to pump out).

11. About 70% of our total blood is in veins.

12. Women have about 25% lower cardiac output than men (due to smaller body size).

13. Blood movement in veins depends partly on pressure from surrounding tissues, hence strenous activity (which causes active skeletal muscle contraction) increases venous return.

14. Cardiac muscle is slightly elastic. Ventricle walls are stretched during exercise. Also, ventricle walls are progressively thickened. This results in cardiac hypertrophy (increased ventricular capacity and thicker walls = larger heart).

15. Two independent antagonistic nerves run from cardiac control centre to pacemaker. With increased training, parasympathetic nerve has more influence (more impulses) than sympathetic nerve, so at rest, heart rate is steadily lowered. This phenomenon is known as bradycardia.

16. For trained athletes: At rest, increased ventricular cavities allows heart to be filled with more blood, and also strengthened cardiac muscles increases volume of blood pumped out i.e. stroke volume increases. This means that an cardiac output of an athlete is the same as a normal person but with less strokes per minute.

17. During physical activity, heart rate is raised and is similar in both trained and untrained people. However, stroke volume is more in athletes - therefore cardiac output will be more for athletes.

Blood Redistribution during Exercise:

1. If all veins were fully dilated, they would be able to hold about 20 litres of blood. However, our blood circulations hold merely 5-6 litres (males) and 4-5 litres (females) of blood.

2. Circulation of blood is controlled by vasodilation and vasoconstriction.

3. During physical activity, the pre-capillary sphincter contracts (vasoconstriction), reducing blood flow to capillaries and corresponding body tissues (tissues are 'by-passed').

4. However, blood flow to the brain, lungs and kidney do not vary.

It was quite enlightening I must say. Now I shall recommence reading Map of the Invisible World.

Content

2009-08-06T13:13:00.001+08:00

8.5 km + Power Jump + ABT + Freaking enormous lunch = Me feeling a lot better :)

Discontent Part II

2009-08-06T07:40:00.002+08:00

What is this? Rain turns all plans to dust. DUST I TELL YOU. So instead of sweating it out I am now stuffing my face. This is complete injustice. INJUSTICE I TELL YOU. Nonsense is nonsense is nonsense. BEH SYIOK.

Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid

I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like

Discontent

2009-08-05T21:53:00.002+08:00

Skipped 300 X 8 times

Body Pump

But I still feel like crap

ARGHHHHHH

MY APRICOT CASHEW MUFFINS

2009-08-04T16:58:00.007+08:00

Sorry for the noob photo taking skills.

I didn't follow the recipe cos' I never follow recipes. In fact, it was supposed to be banana walnut muffins. But I like improvising.

Nah, Ibu. Hadiah untukmu. Tapi saya ingat lebih kurang 4 sudah dimakan oleh ahli keluarga saya yang greedy (what's greedy in Malay?!?!)

Very Pissed Off

2009-08-04T09:13:00.002+08:00

Bloody haze, and if there's no bloody haze there's bloody pouring rain, and on the days when there are neither, there's always something else.

ARGH!

20km in 100 minutes is absolute nonsense

And now my toes are bleeding